Recently a friend told me that my posts on the blog so far are starting to give the impression that I don't enjoy motherhood but believe me that is not the case at all. In the whole work, Mummy juggle I often wish that I was home more with the kids but that is a whole other story for another post.
This time around I am going to focus on the positives of motherhood. I think it is always good to take a step back and just enjoy. It already seems to be flashing by with my daughter recently turning four and my son now one and a half - weren't they only babies just yesterday.
With this thought in mind I have recently taken time out in my children's room (they share a room) when getting my daughter to go to sleep. She goes to bed an hour after my son and so we quitely sing her songs in her room and then sit on the chair in there until she falls asleep. This used to bug me that she needed us to do this, I just wanted to get on with my evening and so tried a few techniques to get her to go to sleep without us there - anyway these didn't work very well and she kept waking her brother, so in the end I thought, it doesn't take long for her to fall asleep and I can use the time to just watch both my beautiful children and think about our day we had together.
So a post to all the wonderful things about motherhood of which there are so many - from the time they are born, that first smile, laugh and babble to first steps, dance, peekaboo game and first words. The cuddles and kisses. When my daughter said ' I love you Mummy', just melted my heart - can't wait for my little boy to say it. Just the pure enjoyment, fun and laughter and the list goes on and on.
Even when my very cuddly adorable son gets us up during the night (which he still does almost every night) and then at the crack of dawn, even sleep deprived I am so happy to see him and his smiley face.
I love if I have been away how they both rush to greet me at the door for cuddles and for my daughter to fill me in on everything that happened while I was away, followed my the, 'I missed you Mummy'.
There are so many things they do that make me smile everyday - their dance moves, how well they play together.
'Mummy, soon I will be able to stand up and go to the toilet like Daddy' - Mmmm sorry sweetie but you don't have the right appendage.
'Look how beautiful I am when N comes over she is going to say, wow where did this princess come from?'
'Mummy I really missed Ben when he was in your tummy.'
'Hello stick insect, I'm Daniella and this is Benjamin.'
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
When having children makes you laugh!!! - Beck :)
Being mum can be, no let me correct myself, is the hardest job on the planet. It is often a thankless job and one that doesn’t get appreciated until your rugrats have rugrats of their own. As mine are 3 ½ years old and 9 months old I have a little waiting to do until I get my thank-you Mum! It is very easy to run down being a mum and there are days when if you could find the office to submit your resignation you would do it in a heart beat. But then there are days when you think to yourself I can’t believe I get paid for this…oh hang on I was back in the classroom…that’s right we don’t get paid for it! There are days when you have tears in your eyes not because the house looks like World War III has just taken place or your eldest has unraveled an entire roll of toilet paper or has eaten an ice-cream in your bed on your new ‘expensive’ linen, but from laughter.
Before I had children I said to myself “I will keep a record of all the funny things my children say”…this came about from teaching kids for 10 years…. From which you learn one thing, kids can be so funny and I am sure their parents would die if they knew the secrets they were telling teachers! But alas along with the “no child of mine will eat hot chips for lunch” mantra, this promise to one’s self has not eventuated; however, I have been able to store some wonderful insights and comments from my daughter, in what is left of my brain capacity!
1. Greer (18 months) hanging off the side of supermarket trolley (yes I know they aren’t supposed to do that but to ensure my sanity and those of other shoppers I would let my daughter do what ever she wanted just so I could complete a shop in peace!) screaming “I want more cock!”. My daughter at this stage of her language development was unable to pronounce ‘chocolate’ so you can imagine the shock on the faces of some shoppers as well as the tears that were being shed by those who I kept bumping into down the aisles, while my daughter continued to yell so everyone could hear…Not nearly as embarrassing as a friend of mine whose son was unable to pronounce the ‘o’ in Count (from Sesame Street)!!!! As she informed me the “the Count is bloody everywhere!”
2. Greer (2 ½ years): My daughter is a determined little girl who knows exactly what she wants, how she wants it and when she wants it. Watching Nick Jnr (Foxtel/Cable) and Ollie (the Australian muppet) comes on singing the days of the week song, as it was a Sunday he announced so. Greer’s response was to chuck an absolute wobbly, once she calmed down and I figured out what the problem was (because I certainly wasn’t offended that Ollie said it was Sunday) she responded with “I don’t want it to be Sunday, but I can see a little bit of Tuesday (as she is peering out the window)”….if only we could all look at the world that way!
3. Greer (1 month off of 3 years): I was just home from the hospital with my youngest - I did what you are not supposed to do and left my newborn with my almost three old for two minutes to go to the kitchen. Upon my return I come back to find him covered in stickers with my eldest saying “look mummy doesn’t he look cute!” He mean while is blissfully asleep….little did he know that this was to become a ritual of hers!
4. Greer (3 ½ years). At present I am working on my positive parenting skills (I have just read a book by Dr. Matthew Sanders) and so far Greer has responded quite well to mummy being calm and positive…but there are times when things slip. When at Georgy’s recently Greer asked for something without using her manners. I was horrified as it is one of the behaviours that I am targeting at the moment (I sound like the police…this week we are blitzing ‘bad manners). I leant over and said “What has happened to your manners?” Greer looks at me shrugs her shoulders and responds “….Apparently they’ve gone!”
5. Greer (3 ½ years): My husband and I are entering the phase of 1001 questions by our three year old. Last weekend she wanted to know “Why don’t we have eyes in the back of our heads?” Good question really because as a mum (and a teacher) I would love to have eyes in the back of my head! I wanted to put on my science teachers hat and go into the whole spiel of homo sapiens having not evolved that way, but as I have tried to explain physics to my daughter before with no success, I decided to keep it simple. I said “people simply don’t have them, but imagine if all the mummy’s in the world had them…I could be looking out the window whilst yelling at you behind me to stop what you are doing!” Greer looked at me and went “I don’t want you to have eyes in the back of your head”……I guess it is like my ‘Thanks Mum’ one day she will want eyes in the back of her head.
Before I had children I said to myself “I will keep a record of all the funny things my children say”…this came about from teaching kids for 10 years…. From which you learn one thing, kids can be so funny and I am sure their parents would die if they knew the secrets they were telling teachers! But alas along with the “no child of mine will eat hot chips for lunch” mantra, this promise to one’s self has not eventuated; however, I have been able to store some wonderful insights and comments from my daughter, in what is left of my brain capacity!
1. Greer (18 months) hanging off the side of supermarket trolley (yes I know they aren’t supposed to do that but to ensure my sanity and those of other shoppers I would let my daughter do what ever she wanted just so I could complete a shop in peace!) screaming “I want more cock!”. My daughter at this stage of her language development was unable to pronounce ‘chocolate’ so you can imagine the shock on the faces of some shoppers as well as the tears that were being shed by those who I kept bumping into down the aisles, while my daughter continued to yell so everyone could hear…Not nearly as embarrassing as a friend of mine whose son was unable to pronounce the ‘o’ in Count (from Sesame Street)!!!! As she informed me the “the Count is bloody everywhere!”
2. Greer (2 ½ years): My daughter is a determined little girl who knows exactly what she wants, how she wants it and when she wants it. Watching Nick Jnr (Foxtel/Cable) and Ollie (the Australian muppet) comes on singing the days of the week song, as it was a Sunday he announced so. Greer’s response was to chuck an absolute wobbly, once she calmed down and I figured out what the problem was (because I certainly wasn’t offended that Ollie said it was Sunday) she responded with “I don’t want it to be Sunday, but I can see a little bit of Tuesday (as she is peering out the window)”….if only we could all look at the world that way!
3. Greer (1 month off of 3 years): I was just home from the hospital with my youngest - I did what you are not supposed to do and left my newborn with my almost three old for two minutes to go to the kitchen. Upon my return I come back to find him covered in stickers with my eldest saying “look mummy doesn’t he look cute!” He mean while is blissfully asleep….little did he know that this was to become a ritual of hers!
4. Greer (3 ½ years). At present I am working on my positive parenting skills (I have just read a book by Dr. Matthew Sanders) and so far Greer has responded quite well to mummy being calm and positive…but there are times when things slip. When at Georgy’s recently Greer asked for something without using her manners. I was horrified as it is one of the behaviours that I am targeting at the moment (I sound like the police…this week we are blitzing ‘bad manners). I leant over and said “What has happened to your manners?” Greer looks at me shrugs her shoulders and responds “….Apparently they’ve gone!”
5. Greer (3 ½ years): My husband and I are entering the phase of 1001 questions by our three year old. Last weekend she wanted to know “Why don’t we have eyes in the back of our heads?” Good question really because as a mum (and a teacher) I would love to have eyes in the back of my head! I wanted to put on my science teachers hat and go into the whole spiel of homo sapiens having not evolved that way, but as I have tried to explain physics to my daughter before with no success, I decided to keep it simple. I said “people simply don’t have them, but imagine if all the mummy’s in the world had them…I could be looking out the window whilst yelling at you behind me to stop what you are doing!” Greer looked at me and went “I don’t want you to have eyes in the back of your head”……I guess it is like my ‘Thanks Mum’ one day she will want eyes in the back of her head.
Monday, February 1, 2010
How do you do it?
'I don't know how you do it' - this is something I and B have had a number of people mainly women, say to us over the past few years and to tell you the truth, in my case I am not sure how I do it either - in a sort of strange brain fog, in straight survival mode is what I feel like saying - but instead I just shrug and say oh you know, like it is all under control. Well obviously they don't because otherwise why would they ask - how do you balance working in the corporate world with having young children and everything that goes with them.
Now some of you may have heard this catch phrase used a lot if you have read the book I don't know how she does it by Allison Pearson. The book is well worth a read for a laugh and I can relate a little but the book being English (and she has the help of nanny and a cleaner) and the extreme situation the lead works within is not what most of us experience.
Instead if you are like me, an Australian Mum working part time in the Corporate World (in my case technically three days a week) and with two young children in childcare you have slightly different balancing issues.
Or maybe you are like B who did return to work full time when her first child was 18 months. B quickly realised that working full time as a high school teacher and having a small child was a really hard gig – ‘I never got any time with my child as when I got home it was the mad rush to pick up from care, get dinner organised and then get her ready for bed...she wouldn't sleep in her own bed a whole other issue...and then I would sit down and do more hours of work to prep for the next day or mark papers...then there was the after school commitments.....year level information evenings, five parent teach interview nights (yes after working a full day we were expected to rock up and do five hours of back to back parent teacher interviews- and then turn up and teach the next morning)..it got a little too much so I decided to become a librarian! – Anyway now B is working hard towards that while on maternity leave with her second.
So why the brain fog in my case - my little boy has almost been continually sick since I started back at work. The impact of a one year old going into childcare at the start of Winter. So with the almost continual snot goes lack of sleep. Now sleep deprivation when I was at home in the early baby days was bad enough but when I have to then get up, get the kids ready for childcare and go into work where I am expected to have reasonable brain function and coordinate projects is somewhat of an issue. The other issue with the illness has been that my husband and I have ended up taking a lot of time off work. We unfortunately don't have the support of Grandparents (they all live interstate or OS) that some of our friends have. So not only were we exhausted but over this period experienced a bit of strain at work.
Now in the middle of Summer though I feel like I am coming out the other end with sickness and my little girl being four and my little boy now 18 months every thing is getting just that little easier. Maybe I will soon achieve the illusive week of the balance being just right. A week where none of us are sick, I spend good quality time with the kids, all the house work gets done and we have a great social weekend. Actually almost achieved that in the past week but did no exercise and really need a leg wax and a night out with the girls would be nice but almost there!!
Now some of you may have heard this catch phrase used a lot if you have read the book I don't know how she does it by Allison Pearson. The book is well worth a read for a laugh and I can relate a little but the book being English (and she has the help of nanny and a cleaner) and the extreme situation the lead works within is not what most of us experience.
Instead if you are like me, an Australian Mum working part time in the Corporate World (in my case technically three days a week) and with two young children in childcare you have slightly different balancing issues.
Or maybe you are like B who did return to work full time when her first child was 18 months. B quickly realised that working full time as a high school teacher and having a small child was a really hard gig – ‘I never got any time with my child as when I got home it was the mad rush to pick up from care, get dinner organised and then get her ready for bed...she wouldn't sleep in her own bed a whole other issue...and then I would sit down and do more hours of work to prep for the next day or mark papers...then there was the after school commitments.....year level information evenings, five parent teach interview nights (yes after working a full day we were expected to rock up and do five hours of back to back parent teacher interviews- and then turn up and teach the next morning)..it got a little too much so I decided to become a librarian! – Anyway now B is working hard towards that while on maternity leave with her second.
So why the brain fog in my case - my little boy has almost been continually sick since I started back at work. The impact of a one year old going into childcare at the start of Winter. So with the almost continual snot goes lack of sleep. Now sleep deprivation when I was at home in the early baby days was bad enough but when I have to then get up, get the kids ready for childcare and go into work where I am expected to have reasonable brain function and coordinate projects is somewhat of an issue. The other issue with the illness has been that my husband and I have ended up taking a lot of time off work. We unfortunately don't have the support of Grandparents (they all live interstate or OS) that some of our friends have. So not only were we exhausted but over this period experienced a bit of strain at work.
Now in the middle of Summer though I feel like I am coming out the other end with sickness and my little girl being four and my little boy now 18 months every thing is getting just that little easier. Maybe I will soon achieve the illusive week of the balance being just right. A week where none of us are sick, I spend good quality time with the kids, all the house work gets done and we have a great social weekend. Actually almost achieved that in the past week but did no exercise and really need a leg wax and a night out with the girls would be nice but almost there!!
Judgement Day
As soon as you announce you are pregnant, that’s it, you might as well wear a sign saying ‘walking target for unwanted advice, comments and judgements’. To make it worse these comments don’t only come from other mothers but people who have never had children, so really how would they know?
It starts with comments on what you should do during pregnancy to discussion about the birthing process – 'you're having an elective C section why'? To then following birth on - breastfeeding, sleeping, routines, dummies, tummy time…..schooling and the list goes on and on.
I found in my case I could handle most of this as I was strong on my decisions but the really hard judgement day hit for me when I returned to work.
‘Gosh I couldn’t go back to work as I couldn’t imagine putting my child in childcare’. ‘Aren’t your children a little young to be in childcare three days a week’. And on the other side, ‘I can understand the work, life, balance thing but I just don’t understand working part time’. Just to list a few.
The barrage of comments really affected me, especially when returning to work after my first, as I had the full on working mothers guilt of not be there for my daughter every day and then on the other side not giving work 100%. There were regular tears when I got home (more from me then ones from my daughter being left at childcare) and the constant thought of quitting work. I am glad I stuck it out though and returned again after a years maternity leave with my second. Two comments that helped me - one office working Mummy friend said to me ‘in my case working outside the home, helps me to be a better Mum when I am at home’ – and another said, ‘why feel guilty, Men never do’ – I do keep telling myself this and it helps, I have felt less guilt the second time around as I knew what to expect but it is still hard.
In B's case she went back to full time work when her litte girl was 18 months and so you can imagine she got a lot of comments especially the ones around 'I don't know how you do it.'
Beck is a high school teacher and while she was on maternity leave with her first child also decided to return to study as quickly realised that teaching and small children would be a really hard gig. She was proven right and there was little understanding. More about that in the next post - 'I don't know how do you do it.'
The other thing that really gets to me is that the majority of the comments were made to us were by other Mum’s. We are no saints but we don’t do this. You have no idea of reasons behind choices and in most cases I like to think they are making the best choice for their situation.
It starts with comments on what you should do during pregnancy to discussion about the birthing process – 'you're having an elective C section why'? To then following birth on - breastfeeding, sleeping, routines, dummies, tummy time…..schooling and the list goes on and on.
I found in my case I could handle most of this as I was strong on my decisions but the really hard judgement day hit for me when I returned to work.
‘Gosh I couldn’t go back to work as I couldn’t imagine putting my child in childcare’. ‘Aren’t your children a little young to be in childcare three days a week’. And on the other side, ‘I can understand the work, life, balance thing but I just don’t understand working part time’. Just to list a few.
The barrage of comments really affected me, especially when returning to work after my first, as I had the full on working mothers guilt of not be there for my daughter every day and then on the other side not giving work 100%. There were regular tears when I got home (more from me then ones from my daughter being left at childcare) and the constant thought of quitting work. I am glad I stuck it out though and returned again after a years maternity leave with my second. Two comments that helped me - one office working Mummy friend said to me ‘in my case working outside the home, helps me to be a better Mum when I am at home’ – and another said, ‘why feel guilty, Men never do’ – I do keep telling myself this and it helps, I have felt less guilt the second time around as I knew what to expect but it is still hard.
In B's case she went back to full time work when her litte girl was 18 months and so you can imagine she got a lot of comments especially the ones around 'I don't know how you do it.'
Beck is a high school teacher and while she was on maternity leave with her first child also decided to return to study as quickly realised that teaching and small children would be a really hard gig. She was proven right and there was little understanding. More about that in the next post - 'I don't know how do you do it.'
The other thing that really gets to me is that the majority of the comments were made to us were by other Mum’s. We are no saints but we don’t do this. You have no idea of reasons behind choices and in most cases I like to think they are making the best choice for their situation.
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