Judgement Day

As soon as you announce you are pregnant, that’s it, you might as well wear a sign saying ‘walking target for unwanted advice, comments and judgements’. To make it worse these comments don’t only come from other mothers but people who have never had children, so really how would they know?

It starts with comments on what you should do during pregnancy to discussion about the birthing process – 'you're having an elective C section why'? To then following birth on - breastfeeding, sleeping, routines, dummies, tummy time…..schooling and the list goes on and on.

I found in my case I could handle most of this as I was strong on my decisions but the really hard judgement day hit for me when I returned to work.

‘Gosh I couldn’t go back to work as I couldn’t imagine putting my child in childcare’. ‘Aren’t your children a little young to be in childcare three days a week’. And on the other side, ‘I can understand the work, life, balance thing but I just don’t understand working part time’. Just to list a few.

The barrage of comments really affected me, especially when returning to work after my first, as I had the full on working mothers guilt of not be there for my daughter every day and then on the other side not giving work 100%. There were regular tears when I got home (more from me then ones from my daughter being left at childcare) and the constant thought of quitting work. I am glad I stuck it out though and returned again after a years maternity leave with my second. Two comments that helped me - one office working Mummy friend said to me ‘in my case working outside the home, helps me to be a better Mum when I am at home’ – and another said, ‘why feel guilty, Men never do’ – I do keep telling myself this and it helps, I have felt less guilt the second time around as I knew what to expect but it is still hard.

In B's case she went back to full time work when her litte girl was 18 months and so you can imagine she got a lot of comments especially the ones around 'I don't know how you do it.'

Beck is a high school teacher and while she was on maternity leave with her first child also decided to return to study as quickly realised that teaching and small children would be a really hard gig. She was proven right and there was little understanding. More about that in the next post - 'I don't know how do you do it.'

The other thing that really gets to me is that the majority of the comments were made to us were by other Mum’s. We are no saints but we don’t do this. You have no idea of reasons behind choices and in most cases I like to think they are making the best choice for their situation.