One of my friends, a first time Mum often refers to me about things her little one is doing, asking 'have you experienced this, is it just a phase?' Most of the time as the very experienced Mum of two that I am (hmmm still refer regularly to my own Mum, books, doctor or my maternal health nurse, but still) I can comfortably say, yes been through that and it was a phase.
Even knowing this myself though, it is still hard to handle some 'phases'. My little boy at the moment screams whenever we leave him at childcare, when only a few weeks ago he would run in happily without a care in the World. My daughter did the same thing at a similar age, so know that he will hopefully soon grow out of it but it doesn't make it much easier. Every morning I drop him at the childcare centre I leave wanting to cry myself and struggle to go into work. I often ring a little later in the day just to check he is ok as he is so hysterical when we leave. I am always reassured that he calms down quickly and by the time we pick him up he is happily playing and often doesn't want to leave.
My daughter on the other hand is going through a coming into Mummy and Daddy's bed phase. She has done this a number of times for a period from the age of two and a half (funnily enough she never slept in our bed before this) but then suddenly stops and sleeps in her own bed again for weeks on end.
So this post is really to those first time Mums out there who often wonder will this thing my child is doing ever end! Kids certainly go through a lot of phases, especially around sleep it seems, so be comforted in that there will often be an end of some sorts and if in doubt my bibles through these troubled periods where Baby Love and The Mighty Toddler both by Robin Barker. Fantastic books that gave me some peace of mind and guidance.
Showing posts with label child care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child care. Show all posts
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Judgement Day
As soon as you announce you are pregnant, that’s it, you might as well wear a sign saying ‘walking target for unwanted advice, comments and judgements’. To make it worse these comments don’t only come from other mothers but people who have never had children, so really how would they know?
It starts with comments on what you should do during pregnancy to discussion about the birthing process – 'you're having an elective C section why'? To then following birth on - breastfeeding, sleeping, routines, dummies, tummy time…..schooling and the list goes on and on.
I found in my case I could handle most of this as I was strong on my decisions but the really hard judgement day hit for me when I returned to work.
‘Gosh I couldn’t go back to work as I couldn’t imagine putting my child in childcare’. ‘Aren’t your children a little young to be in childcare three days a week’. And on the other side, ‘I can understand the work, life, balance thing but I just don’t understand working part time’. Just to list a few.
The barrage of comments really affected me, especially when returning to work after my first, as I had the full on working mothers guilt of not be there for my daughter every day and then on the other side not giving work 100%. There were regular tears when I got home (more from me then ones from my daughter being left at childcare) and the constant thought of quitting work. I am glad I stuck it out though and returned again after a years maternity leave with my second. Two comments that helped me - one office working Mummy friend said to me ‘in my case working outside the home, helps me to be a better Mum when I am at home’ – and another said, ‘why feel guilty, Men never do’ – I do keep telling myself this and it helps, I have felt less guilt the second time around as I knew what to expect but it is still hard.
In B's case she went back to full time work when her litte girl was 18 months and so you can imagine she got a lot of comments especially the ones around 'I don't know how you do it.'
Beck is a high school teacher and while she was on maternity leave with her first child also decided to return to study as quickly realised that teaching and small children would be a really hard gig. She was proven right and there was little understanding. More about that in the next post - 'I don't know how do you do it.'
The other thing that really gets to me is that the majority of the comments were made to us were by other Mum’s. We are no saints but we don’t do this. You have no idea of reasons behind choices and in most cases I like to think they are making the best choice for their situation.
It starts with comments on what you should do during pregnancy to discussion about the birthing process – 'you're having an elective C section why'? To then following birth on - breastfeeding, sleeping, routines, dummies, tummy time…..schooling and the list goes on and on.
I found in my case I could handle most of this as I was strong on my decisions but the really hard judgement day hit for me when I returned to work.
‘Gosh I couldn’t go back to work as I couldn’t imagine putting my child in childcare’. ‘Aren’t your children a little young to be in childcare three days a week’. And on the other side, ‘I can understand the work, life, balance thing but I just don’t understand working part time’. Just to list a few.
The barrage of comments really affected me, especially when returning to work after my first, as I had the full on working mothers guilt of not be there for my daughter every day and then on the other side not giving work 100%. There were regular tears when I got home (more from me then ones from my daughter being left at childcare) and the constant thought of quitting work. I am glad I stuck it out though and returned again after a years maternity leave with my second. Two comments that helped me - one office working Mummy friend said to me ‘in my case working outside the home, helps me to be a better Mum when I am at home’ – and another said, ‘why feel guilty, Men never do’ – I do keep telling myself this and it helps, I have felt less guilt the second time around as I knew what to expect but it is still hard.
In B's case she went back to full time work when her litte girl was 18 months and so you can imagine she got a lot of comments especially the ones around 'I don't know how you do it.'
Beck is a high school teacher and while she was on maternity leave with her first child also decided to return to study as quickly realised that teaching and small children would be a really hard gig. She was proven right and there was little understanding. More about that in the next post - 'I don't know how do you do it.'
The other thing that really gets to me is that the majority of the comments were made to us were by other Mum’s. We are no saints but we don’t do this. You have no idea of reasons behind choices and in most cases I like to think they are making the best choice for their situation.
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